Away, you three-inch fool! (Taming of the Shrew)
Since most of Shakespeare's income from the Globe theatre, (as opposed to his other businesses which involved sheep, wool and mebbe loan-sharking,) the Bard had to make sure that he had to keep the major part of his audience - the groundlings - happy. And what better way was there than doing this than by making sure he included a good number of sexual puns, innuendoes and insults? Many of these, from either his plays or his poems, were based on double-entendres and they sound as good, witty and clever today as they did when he first wrote them.
Here are some of his best:
Hamlet to Ophelia: Do you think I meant country matters?
Dromio in "The Comedy of Errors":
A man may break a word with you sir, and words are but wind. Aye, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
Malvolio in "Twelfth Night" while studying a letter written by Olivia:
By my life, this is my lady's hand. These are her very C's, her U's and her T's. and this makes her great P's.
Venus begging Adonis in the poem, "Venus and Adonis":
Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry/Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
Petruchio and Katherine in "The Taming of the Shrew" at their first meeting:
Petruchuio: Come, come, you wasp; i'faith, you are too angry.
Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware of my sting.
Pet: My remedy then, is to pluck it out.
Kath: Aye, if the fool could find it where it lies.
Pet: Who knows not where a wasp doth wear his sting? In his tail.
Kath: In his tongue.
Pet: Whose tongue?
Kath: Yours, if you talk of tails; and so farewell.
Pet: What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, Good Kate, I am a gentleman.
Richard Burton (Petruchio) & (wife) Elizabeth Taylor (Katherine)
Perhaps, one of the best and also most sustained use of bawdy and geography occurs in The Comedy of Errors where Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse are talking about the very fat kitchen wench who Dromio is thinking of marrying.
Ant: Then she bears some breadth?
Drom: No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.
Ant: In what part of her body stands Ireland?
Drom: Marry sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs.
Ant: Where Scotland?
Drom: I found it by barrenness; hard in the palm of my hand.
Ant: Where France?
Drom: In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, making war against her hair.
Ant: Where England?
Drom: I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them; but I guessed it stood in her chin, by the soft rheum that ran between France and it.
Ant: Where Spain?
Drom: Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
Ant: Where America, the Indies?
Drom: O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
Ant: Where stood Belga, the Netherlands?
Drom: O, sir, I did not look so low.
All of the above probably explains why one of the first WS plays that students learn in school is Julius Caesar since it is devoid of such language. This means that the teacher doesn't have to deal with hormone-filled kids and their wink-wink-nudge-nudge when they hear the 'dirty bits.'
Finally, for those who want to learn more on this topic, I recommend reading Shakespeare's Bawdy by Eric Partridge. This worthy and academic tome was first published by Routledge & Kegan Paul in 1947. Since then and probably until today, Eng. lit. teachers have tried to make sure it didn't fall into the hands of their grubby-handed dirty-minded students. They of course would claim that if caught, they were merely trying to improve their Shakespearean knowledge and insights.
Since most of Shakespeare's income from the Globe theatre, (as opposed to his other businesses which involved sheep, wool and mebbe loan-sharking,) the Bard had to make sure that he had to keep the major part of his audience - the groundlings - happy. And what better way was there than doing this than by making sure he included a good number of sexual puns, innuendoes and insults? Many of these, from either his plays or his poems, were based on double-entendres and they sound as good, witty and clever today as they did when he first wrote them.
Here are some of his best:
Hamlet to Ophelia: Do you think I meant country matters?
Dromio in "The Comedy of Errors":
A man may break a word with you sir, and words are but wind. Aye, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
Malvolio in "Twelfth Night" while studying a letter written by Olivia:
By my life, this is my lady's hand. These are her very C's, her U's and her T's. and this makes her great P's.
Venus begging Adonis in the poem, "Venus and Adonis":
Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry/Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
Petruchio and Katherine in "The Taming of the Shrew" at their first meeting:
Petruchuio: Come, come, you wasp; i'faith, you are too angry.
Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware of my sting.
Pet: My remedy then, is to pluck it out.
Kath: Aye, if the fool could find it where it lies.
Pet: Who knows not where a wasp doth wear his sting? In his tail.
Kath: In his tongue.
Pet: Whose tongue?
Kath: Yours, if you talk of tails; and so farewell.
Pet: What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, Good Kate, I am a gentleman.
Perhaps, one of the best and also most sustained use of bawdy and geography occurs in The Comedy of Errors where Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse are talking about the very fat kitchen wench who Dromio is thinking of marrying.
Ant: Then she bears some breadth?
Drom: No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.
Ant: In what part of her body stands Ireland?
Drom: Marry sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs.
Ant: Where Scotland?
Drom: I found it by barrenness; hard in the palm of my hand.
Ant: Where France?
Drom: In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, making war against her hair.
Ant: Where England?
Drom: I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them; but I guessed it stood in her chin, by the soft rheum that ran between France and it.
Ant: Where Spain?
Drom: Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
Ant: Where America, the Indies?
Drom: O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
Ant: Where stood Belga, the Netherlands?
Drom: O, sir, I did not look so low.
All of the above probably explains why one of the first WS plays that students learn in school is Julius Caesar since it is devoid of such language. This means that the teacher doesn't have to deal with hormone-filled kids and their wink-wink-nudge-nudge when they hear the 'dirty bits.'
Finally, for those who want to learn more on this topic, I recommend reading Shakespeare's Bawdy by Eric Partridge. This worthy and academic tome was first published by Routledge & Kegan Paul in 1947. Since then and probably until today, Eng. lit. teachers have tried to make sure it didn't fall into the hands of their grubby-handed dirty-minded students. They of course would claim that if caught, they were merely trying to improve their Shakespearean knowledge and insights.
Next time, Imogen from "Cymbeline."
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